Warning: I've been "blessed" with the gift of gab so I hope you don't have to poop. If you do, I hope you are reading this on a mobile device. Now, let's get started.
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| 34 weeks |
I'm currently 34 weeks pregnant and will give birth to my son a month before my life clock strikes 25. I've been with my husband since I graduated high school and we will celebrate our 4th wedding anniversary in just a few weeks. Our pregnancy may seem perfectly timed and well planned, but nothing in my world is ever planned or on time. I could bore you with 3+ years worth of stories but they all end with my peeing on a stick then immediately wanted to devour a carton of chocolate ice cream due to sadness. James and I knew that we wanted to enjoy married life before bringing a baby into the mix but we also knew that with my PCOS a baby would take time. So we threw precaution to the wind (by that i mean my nuva ring and the little wooden box that housed the condoms) and just went for the gold....for over 3 years. I never tried to stress about it. I didn't check my temp, I didn't make sex all about pregnancy and I didn't put a lot of pressure on myself or James. I just let it happen. This went on for longer than we expected.
Things really started to get rough for us almost a year and a half ago. Things had gotten bad, really bad, like I was living with my sister bad. I thought it was over. I had more than failed as a wife, I didn't deserve a second chance but I got one and it changed my life. James and I decided to pick up the pieces and fit them back together. I will never forgot the moment he told me that no matter what happened between us, his regret would be that we never had a baby. That even if we weren't together I was the person he wanted to mother his children. I think that's when I realized how much this issue was weighing on us. I took action. I had been seeing a horrible doctor who wasn't any help to our situation. He sucked. A lot. So after Ericka told me all about Gildy, I knew I had to see him. I knew that he was what we were looking for. After lots of work in our relationship, James and I decided it was sink or swim and by golly we wanted swimmers...lots of them...racing towards my uterus.
I called G's office (which was the same office that the horrible doctor worked for) and begged them to let me switch. I was elated when I was given the go ahead. Gildner decided the best option for me was to try Clomid and just like that, Parker was created. I will never forget how disappointed I was even when I did my ovulation tests. You do several in the month and you KNOW that only 1-2 will show a faint positive but seeing all the negatives just brought me back to that horrible place that every girl who deals with this issue is way to familiar with. The day I had a positive read on my ovulation test I straight up told my boss that I was leaving work as soon as I closed up shop because I had to go home and have sex with my husband. Thank God I did.
Fast forward a few weeks. It's 3 or 4 in the morning and James and I are going at it (not in the kinky way). I don't think I'd ever been so mad in my entire life. Thinking back, I have no clue why we were fighting. I think the stress had just taken over. I was nuts. I finally fell asleep (still livid) and I woke up 3 hours later. I was wide awake, I jumped out of bed and thought back in how crazy I had been just hours before. I knew it then. I didn't need the test. In fact I wouldn't have taken it if I wasn't sure. I knew something about me had to have been different in order for me to be THAT crazy. There is was...the positive I had waited so long to see.
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| HELL YES, POSITIVE! |
James and I decided to go ahead and share the good news. I didn't want to wait the suggested time frame. I knew it was a risk but I thought that if anything were to happen I didn't know if I would be strong enough to do all this again so I wanted to celebrate every single moment of my baby's life. It's not for everyone, but I'm glad we told people when we did. I've been beyond blessed with many supportive friends and family.
It wasn't until after I was pregnant that I realized my infertility frustrations didn't just end. I figured since I was pregnant, it wouldn't bother me anymore. Wrong. I still get pissy when I see people with these beautiful children and they say things like "if you don't shut up, I'm gonna beat your ass" or hearing about people aborting the one thing that I would have done anything to have. It's still an open wound and I think it always will be. It wasn't until just a few weeks ago that I stopped stressing about losing my son. I know every mother does this, and i cant say for sure, but i think its more intense when you've dealt with years of infertility. I was so terrified that something would happen and Parker wouldn't make it.
I decided that I didn't want to let the fear stop me from enjoying this time so I did what every mom does, I bought my baby all the best stuff my money could buy and acted like nothing could go wrong. I've been very lucky to have had zero complications and a big healthy baby thus far. It's been a long hard journey that I wouldn't wish upon anyone. At the end of the day I honesty believe the best thing anyone can do in this situation is just try to relax (and put a pillow under your hips after sex when you're ovulating) It's hard and the emotional battles are terrible, BUT, stress will only add to the mess. As much as it pains me to say, I'm glad it didn't happen earlier. Me being pregnant and having a baby before this very moment wasn't part of the plan. I have been able to enjoy 6 years of "selfish" time with my husband and it's been a great 6 years.
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| James and I on our wedding day |
Update: I'm horrible with getting things done on time. Since I wrote this, I have given birth to the sweetest, most darling little boy I have ever seen. I was blessed with a quick and "easy" delivery. (Easy in comparison to several other deliveries I know of, but its never really easy)
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| Parker Miles Rundgren Ferry September 30, 2012 7lbs, 8oz 21inches |
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