I have questioned my desire to stay married

Lately I have been obsessed with a song by Birdy called "skinny love"

(YES, I know it's a Bon Iver cover.)

It's a beautiful, beautiful song and if you have never listened to it then you should do it right now.  I can wait.  Actually just open YouTube and listen while you read.  It will be very romantic that way.  And I will try very hard to only type 3 minutes and 15 seconds worth of material so there will be no awkward silence.  Or you could listen to it twice...you have plenty of options.

Usually I don't think much about the music I'm listening to but when I heard "skinny love" I paid very close attention to the lyrics because they were so heartbreaking and communicated something very personal for me. There is a part of the song that goes like this:

I told you to be patient
I told you to be fine
I told you to be balanced
I told you to be kind

I think this song must be about a relationship that is barely hanging on by a thread and I can definitely identify with that.

I know that there have been many times in the span of our relationship that David and I have completly broken down on each other and wondered if we were truly compatible, if we jumped into things too quickly, or if our issues were even fixable.  I have questioned my desire to be married to Dave, I have packed a suitcase and called a friend to say I was going to spend a few nights on her couch.

(Funny side note, I called my best girlfriend Beth once when Dave and I had a fight and she said that of course I could come and stay but it could only be for a night becasue she liked Dave too much and wanted me to go home and work it out)

I think my confession of this might be a surprise for some people.  I'm not bragging about anything here, (because what people say is not true most of the time) but Dave and I hear all.the.time how cute we are, how sweet we are, and how good we are together.  Sometimes it IS true!  But sometimes our marriage is just holding on by a wish and a prayer and I want to punch whoever says that stuff to me in the throat.

 There have been extraordinarily hard days where one or both of us has wanted to walk away for good.  Looking back, I can't even say how we managed to get through it, but I'm glad that we did because I just don't think I would do very well without him.