Lately I have been obsessed with a song by Birdy called "skinny love"
(YES, I know it's a Bon Iver cover.)
It's a beautiful, beautiful song and if you have never listened to it then you should do it right now. I can wait. Actually just open YouTube and listen while you read. It will be very romantic that way. And I will try very hard to only type 3 minutes and 15 seconds worth of material so there will be no awkward silence. Or you could listen to it twice...you have plenty of options.
Usually I don't think much about the music I'm listening to but when I heard "skinny love" I paid very close attention to the lyrics because they were so heartbreaking and communicated something very personal for me. There is a part of the song that goes like this:
I told you to be patient
I told you to be fine
I told you to be balanced
I told you to be kind
I think this song must be about a relationship that is barely hanging on by a thread and I can definitely identify with that.
I know that there have been many times in the span of our relationship that David and I have completly broken down on each other and wondered if we were truly compatible, if we jumped into things too quickly, or if our issues were even fixable. I have questioned my desire to be married to Dave, I have packed a suitcase and called a friend to say I was going to spend a few nights on her couch.
(Funny side note, I called my best girlfriend Beth once when Dave and I had a fight and she said that of course I could come and stay but it could only be for a night becasue she liked Dave too much and wanted me to go home and work it out)
I think my confession of this might be a surprise for some people. I'm not bragging about anything here, (because what people say is not true most of the time) but Dave and I hear all.the.time how cute we are, how sweet we are, and how good we are together. Sometimes it IS true! But sometimes our marriage is just holding on by a wish and a prayer and I want to punch whoever says that stuff to me in the throat.
There have been extraordinarily hard days where one or both of us has wanted to walk away for good. Looking back, I can't even say how we managed to get through it, but I'm glad that we did because I just don't think I would do very well without him.
Friday, June 29, 2012
Monday, June 25, 2012
sister wives
God, I love reality tv shows. There are many that I am loyal to but Sister Wives on TLC in by far my favorite. The show follows the Brown family (Kody and his 3 wives...Meri, Janelle, Christine and Robyn and all 900 of their kids) as they find out how to make life work as a polygamist family in Las Vegas. It's a trainwreck and I ADORE watching it all go down. This show really brings out the pious side of me and it also makes me incredibly sad sometimes. My girlfriend Beth was over one day and we were watching an episode and she says "you know, I really wouldn't mind that." Beth is cray.
We did talk about it at length and decided that it wouldn't be half bad if WE were sister wives. But this would be easy because I already love Beth and we would probably abandon our relationship with our husband because we'd have each other (except when one of us needed some sweet lovin' and you better believe we'd gossip about it later unlike those prudes on the show.)
But honestly, I just don't get it! There is no way that that man can truly fulfill all 4 of those relationships on any level that has even a slightest resemblance of a marriage. Marriage is hard enough for Dave and I alone and we only have each other to contend with! We get on each other's nerves constantly. He pisses me off and I know that I can be a pain in the ass. We are both very stubborn, I'm selfish, he closes down. That's the way we are and I know we are not alone. We may not have the ability to make our everyday relationship feel as new and exciting as it was 5 years ago when we'd make out at every red stoplight but we have something greater, at least I feel like it's pretty great and that's the mutual understanding that marriage is not a hand in hand walk on the beach at sunset I dropped those expectations on our honeymoon after I realized that we were not going to be having a mind-blowing romantic trip filled with "I never want to leave this room amazing sex" but instead daily bickering about God only knows what. I remember being frosty with him for an entire day because he knew how to kayak and I didn't and I'm pretty sure he left me behind to drown...
We know that every day, every single day, we have to spend intentional time with each other or we will absolutely fall apart at the seams. Marriage is hard work that needs attention on a daily basis...not just when you get a turn in the weekly wife rotation.
.
We did talk about it at length and decided that it wouldn't be half bad if WE were sister wives. But this would be easy because I already love Beth and we would probably abandon our relationship with our husband because we'd have each other (except when one of us needed some sweet lovin' and you better believe we'd gossip about it later unlike those prudes on the show.)
But honestly, I just don't get it! There is no way that that man can truly fulfill all 4 of those relationships on any level that has even a slightest resemblance of a marriage. Marriage is hard enough for Dave and I alone and we only have each other to contend with! We get on each other's nerves constantly. He pisses me off and I know that I can be a pain in the ass. We are both very stubborn, I'm selfish, he closes down. That's the way we are and I know we are not alone. We may not have the ability to make our everyday relationship feel as new and exciting as it was 5 years ago when we'd make out at every red stoplight but we have something greater, at least I feel like it's pretty great and that's the mutual understanding that marriage is not a hand in hand walk on the beach at sunset I dropped those expectations on our honeymoon after I realized that we were not going to be having a mind-blowing romantic trip filled with "I never want to leave this room amazing sex" but instead daily bickering about God only knows what. I remember being frosty with him for an entire day because he knew how to kayak and I didn't and I'm pretty sure he left me behind to drown...
We know that every day, every single day, we have to spend intentional time with each other or we will absolutely fall apart at the seams. Marriage is hard work that needs attention on a daily basis...not just when you get a turn in the weekly wife rotation.
.
Friday, June 22, 2012
Hello, my name is Ericka
I wanted to start this blog for several reasons
My self-righteous reason: when I was pregnant, I read lots of books. Most of them delt with pregnancy/childbirth/motherhood in a very heavenly, romantic sort of way. But I want to tell the truth (at least from my perspective) about all those things and the truth is that well, being a parent kind of sucks sometimes and I don't think enough people talk about that and I want to and I happen to think that I can do it with grace, honesty, and with a little humor
My lazy reason: trying to start a working mom's MOPS group takes up too much time right now
My hidden agenda reason: blogging kind of makes me feel like Carrie Bradshaw
In all honesty, after I became a mom I realized that there were lots of things that no one told me about. And I went through a couple of rough months of being a freaked out mess because I didn't know what I was doing and didn't have many other mom friends that I felt comfortable talking to. Being a parent really is a wonderful thing but it can also be a real disaster and I just hope that other struggling parents will be able to see that they are not alone.
I want to be able to talk about all those things that don't get much mention so if you are offended by talk of blood, sex, poop, money or Jesus then read someone else's parenting blog. I'm not your "coupon tricks" or "craft ideas" kind of gal. And if you can relate to that, then check me out! ( I swear, I will give $10 to the person who can tell me the song that that line is from. Excluding Emilie and Eva. It will be a welcome to my blog game. NO CHEATING!)
My self-righteous reason: when I was pregnant, I read lots of books. Most of them delt with pregnancy/childbirth/motherhood in a very heavenly, romantic sort of way. But I want to tell the truth (at least from my perspective) about all those things and the truth is that well, being a parent kind of sucks sometimes and I don't think enough people talk about that and I want to and I happen to think that I can do it with grace, honesty, and with a little humor
My lazy reason: trying to start a working mom's MOPS group takes up too much time right now
My hidden agenda reason: blogging kind of makes me feel like Carrie Bradshaw
In all honesty, after I became a mom I realized that there were lots of things that no one told me about. And I went through a couple of rough months of being a freaked out mess because I didn't know what I was doing and didn't have many other mom friends that I felt comfortable talking to. Being a parent really is a wonderful thing but it can also be a real disaster and I just hope that other struggling parents will be able to see that they are not alone.
I want to be able to talk about all those things that don't get much mention so if you are offended by talk of blood, sex, poop, money or Jesus then read someone else's parenting blog. I'm not your "coupon tricks" or "craft ideas" kind of gal. And if you can relate to that, then check me out! ( I swear, I will give $10 to the person who can tell me the song that that line is from. Excluding Emilie and Eva. It will be a welcome to my blog game. NO CHEATING!)
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